If I had a nickel for ever time that I embarrassed myself, I'd at least have a dollar...
I am CONSTANTLY down on myself for being socially awkward, or saying the wrong thing to someone, or more often thinking of more clever things I could've said in a conversation after it's over then beating myself up about how stupid I looked for not saying them. The funny thing is that I didn't think this way when I was younger. I rarely cared what people thought and when I did, it wasn't enough for me to change anything about myself. I accepted it and moved on.
But somewhere between getting my first "real" job (whatever that means) and present, I've become somewhat of an overthinking coward. Sitting and thinking of all the things I could've said or done better to not look like such a dummy.
For instance, yesterday I started this project that I thought was awesome. I've always wanted to try weaving so with my free Sunday morning I thought there was no time like the present. (Sorry for the crappy phone photos, I didn't think that I was going to use them for anything other than showing my mom haha.) So I started with this tutorial to give me the basics
I loved the process of this project. I didn't have a pattern planned out, I just did it.
Not planning out the pattern was probably one of my favorite things about it. I didn't regret anything about it in the end. It didn't matter whether people thought I was weird for weaving yarn on a borrowed potholder loom of my little sister's. All that mattered was that I did it because I liked it. The pattern was mine so the final product really feels true to myself.
Now if only I can learn to apply this thought process to my everyday interactions. I got out of the habit of being myself and now I embarrass myself over things no one else even cares about. Recently I used the wrong emoji in a text and I literally wanted to die. It's a stupid little picture that in the long run means nothing. It was a typo for goodness sake! I highly doubt the person that received it thought anything of it.
So I'm learning how to laugh myself through my quirks and insecurities again, because those are the things that make me, me. And so are things like this wallhanging. You may hate it or think it a waste of a Sunday morning, which is okay. All I know is I like it and it reminds me now to be myself, no regrets.
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