Lollygagging

I was just sitting here flipping through things on Facebook thinking I should be doing something different. I ran across an article someone had posted about being a woman and waiting in dating relationships or something like that and all of the sudden, I was wisked away. 

Back to the time when I had to learn how to wait for the right guy.

Back to the time when  I had to learn how to stay pure in a dating relationship.

Back when I had to learn that girls and guys can't be just friends.

Back when I was learning and mastering, well, maybe not mastering, but becoming experienced in things. When I knew who I was because relationships were refining my thoughts about who I was and what I wanted.

But now...Now the only thing I learn is how not to smart off to rude customers. 

How not to cut people off in a Walmart isle because they're being slow and honestly are just lollygagging for no reason.

I have to learn how to make myself clean up my own dishes. 

and learn how to realize when to mop the floors because honestly, they don't look that dirty, so why clean them?

I don't know when life turned from enjoying company to checking it off a list of things that have to get done this week. 

I don't know when life turned into always being frustrated with people and things and time. 

I don't know when life went from being okay with learning from experience to having to plan out every last second or else...or else what? I make a mistake? 

I've made those before...

Or else I might not be liked?

Who really cares? I never did before..

Or else I might...be known or have to think and have thoughts of my own again?

Yeah...

I think that's more it than anything. 

How does one want to be the center of attention but yet completely avoid being known?

I feel like I could right a book on the subject, because I"m soo good at it.